The balance of time and energy

My life is about to change again, from Monday I am going back to school to help with the childcare that we offer for the keyworkers' children, this coincides with my son's return to school and the rain. It is strange to think that in Britain, we've all got used to a life of sunshine and I, along with many, adapted my life accordingly.  It has all been rather pleasant: beginning the day with sun warming my inflexible bones as I carry on with daily yoga, or the morning coffee club we formed, me, Bruce and middle child moving our garden chairs around chasing the dappled sun and sipping coffee, whilst I flitted between checking my new plants. Or the urban walks where we discovered new paths edged in dog roses and hawthorn. Yes! It has been uplifting to feel the sun warm the skin and bring my freckles to the forefront. Now, at least for a couple of weeks (according to the short term weather reports) we are going to have to readjust to cooler temperatures and cloudy skies. It is now I discover if I am a fair weather gardener.

The beauty of not working every hour of your day is that you discover things that you have forgotten. I have fortunately rediscovered a contentment in my company and an ability to carry on until a job is done. At least I can carry on, once I have gotten myself into a mindset to do so. And of course I am willing (and have been waiting) to return to meaningful employment but I am a little anxious that the little I have learned to enjoy during this time will be overcome (again) in being 'busy'.  Last week,  I had the great pleasure of making door stop calls to the year 1 children. It was two days of consistent interaction and being required to do something that was not self-directed, although I was happy and willing - it was neither my idea or on my 'shower-list'. After each of those two days I returned exhausted and lost the energy for my daily yoga or for writing or for cataloging my #outfitoftheday over on Instagram. After those two days I got scared that once I return to work that will be the only thing I have energy for.

The question of time and energy has always been, for me, a difficult balance. I know that now my children are not so dependent that I have the time to do things. I know this because I am very capable of wasting time - the real issue for me is how to match the quantity of time with the energy to use it. I have been informed that if you exercise you become more energetic, this has not been my experience, or if you have a routine you will relieved of fatigue- again not an experience I have had. There have been times when my fatigue is so acute that I looked for medical explanation, but as yet I have found none. Certain aspects have improved, I have less headaches and have not had a debilitating migraine for a very long time - I am fundamentally much happier (perhaps this is the key?). Of course,  fatigue has not been so much of an issue during lockdown, if my bones hurt I can sit down - or if I have had enough of a job I can have a break with a well earned cup of tea, all the freedoms of regaining energy that are not afforded to you once you are under the restrictions of working for other people. This lockdown has allowed me to gain energy reserves that have been so long depleted. I wonder if I am the only one who has benefitted in this way? It will be good to be working with children again, and hopefully I will be able to be an asset to their lives - something I enjoy, but I am left with a question: How do you complete your job and duties well enough and retain enough energy for some of the other things you love?


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