The rules of Instagram
Firstly, you have to flick through the images 'at your own risk'. Other people's lives can always seem better than yours. Many people are better looking, have better clothes, nicer houses, better abdominal muscles- the list of the 'betters' can be endless. I don't really like to admit it but females are, generally, preconditioned to compare themselves with one another and it takes a strong constitution to step away from damaging comparisons. I have chosen my timeline carefully, I like reality and ordinary folk making the best of what they've got. I avoid those celebrities telling me from their mansions that 'we are all in this together'.
To make the most out of Instagram you have to go against a little of what's in your nature. You have to stop when the going feels good. I am led to believe that scrolling through particularly pleasing images or receiving a like releases some of the good juices (dopamine) in your brain - making scrolling addictive. If you have no self-discipline, or are gifted with 'time', you could find yourself on a grey day scrolling through the sunshiny colours with no limits; this is how laundry piles up, and dishes and dust bunnies take control.
Recently, I have been finding myself in the middle of another Instagram issue, and that is men. I haven't been in the middle of so much unasked-for male attention since being in my 20s and daring to wander around Athens, alone. It is like no man over the age of 35 can use Instagram for anything else other than trying his luck with the ladies. By luck, I am unsure exactly what their definition of luck is. A quick internet search tells me that if really good looking men slide into your DMs, they are hoping to play on your insecurities (you're ugly) and they are hoping to flatter some money or information out of your hands. I feel slightly reassured that the majority of my DMs are pink, plump middle-aged types who take their profile pictures from the optimum double chin angle. Perhaps, they are really trying their luck from 2,000 miles away? I find the approach puzzling too, many just hang around in your DM with a simple 'Hi' and if you don't respond (I don't) you get a 'Hi' every couple of hours until they scuttle away to 'Hi' another unsuspecting female. Maybe it is like the country code, whereby if you come across another human on a remote path it is the law to greet them.
Others go further and 'Hi Princess' or 'Hi Gorgeous', I may be a bit strange, but my days of being called 'Princess' ended when I was old enough to realise that being royal meant having a huge clothes budget and only being able to spend it on 'modest' and 'classic'. There's a couple of Kate Middleton's McQueen dresses I could happily steal but I have always told myself if I ever found myself with the opportunity of going big budget - I reserve the right to look like Carrie Bradshaw and Rick Owens' style love child. The most puzzling approach I had recently was from a self-confessed sugar daddy who whilst casting his woman trapping net, asked me, a woman in her forties. I contemplated that even though he was not wearing so well we probably could overlap on childhood theme songs and first records and I think that defeats the idea of a sugar daddy. The money was good and for one second I could see the appeal of strengthening your stomach and listening to his chat, perhaps he'll find a nice young lady who can take his money and overlook the fact he hasn't grown up past the point of playing with dolls. I have learnt to check men's Instagram grid before I press the 'follow back' as there are usually tell tale signs and you can avoid. These signs are: very few pictures, or ones that look like they were cribbed from shutterstock, or as I discovered recently - animals. I stupidly let my guard down and after admiring some particularly handsome, white fluffy dogs I pressed the follow back button- within seconds came the familiar, over familiar message.
Despite the pitfalls, Instagram has been very much part of my lockdown life. I think I will take my chances with the doubled chinned 'Hi' men and right now my brain could do with a free dose of dopamine. I think I have control of my habit, but every so often I switch off for a couple of days just to make sure. It is now even more valuable, I have a couple of the nice folk who are beginning to make a habit of saying encouraging things under the pictures I post - and as for life comparisons - I may not have an awful lot but I know how to pull a good fashion face, look straight ahead and focus your death stare.
Others go further and 'Hi Princess' or 'Hi Gorgeous', I may be a bit strange, but my days of being called 'Princess' ended when I was old enough to realise that being royal meant having a huge clothes budget and only being able to spend it on 'modest' and 'classic'. There's a couple of Kate Middleton's McQueen dresses I could happily steal but I have always told myself if I ever found myself with the opportunity of going big budget - I reserve the right to look like Carrie Bradshaw and Rick Owens' style love child. The most puzzling approach I had recently was from a self-confessed sugar daddy who whilst casting his woman trapping net, asked me, a woman in her forties. I contemplated that even though he was not wearing so well we probably could overlap on childhood theme songs and first records and I think that defeats the idea of a sugar daddy. The money was good and for one second I could see the appeal of strengthening your stomach and listening to his chat, perhaps he'll find a nice young lady who can take his money and overlook the fact he hasn't grown up past the point of playing with dolls. I have learnt to check men's Instagram grid before I press the 'follow back' as there are usually tell tale signs and you can avoid. These signs are: very few pictures, or ones that look like they were cribbed from shutterstock, or as I discovered recently - animals. I stupidly let my guard down and after admiring some particularly handsome, white fluffy dogs I pressed the follow back button- within seconds came the familiar, over familiar message.
Despite the pitfalls, Instagram has been very much part of my lockdown life. I think I will take my chances with the doubled chinned 'Hi' men and right now my brain could do with a free dose of dopamine. I think I have control of my habit, but every so often I switch off for a couple of days just to make sure. It is now even more valuable, I have a couple of the nice folk who are beginning to make a habit of saying encouraging things under the pictures I post - and as for life comparisons - I may not have an awful lot but I know how to pull a good fashion face, look straight ahead and focus your death stare.
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