I AM positive, you got that you twerp? Yeah? Yeah?

As such, there is no plan about what I  will write in this journal of sorts.  No clue as to the subject or structure or content - this is not a fault of the circumstances, I am sure so many of you are kicking the arse out of staying home and are busy planning and structuring your 'content' because what are we if not 'content'? Nope, I cannot blame the circumstances- it is, this lack of planning, a deep rooted flaw. I rarely plan anything. I wake up and go from there. The first 30 minutes is often painful as I wade through feelings of nausea and disaffection, then I move on, with the help of my rationed caffeine hit, and get on with the day. On a good day I can be productive-ish, a not so good day I spend the whole day trying to fight the urge to not get sucked into images on my phone like a Victorian Child bewitched by a trance-inducing Kaleidoscope. Luckily, I haven't had a bad day for a while and I am not in the mood to describe the pity party they become.

There is so much out there encouraging me to wake up and  be positive - you know, begin your day with meditation, or a drink of water or write down something you are grateful for, and I am becoming less fond of Russell Brand now he's dropped the funny and embraced the Yogi (Sorry Russell, we are still psychically linked though, you're just not at the right enlightenment stage to recognise it yet). Of course they are not wrong, and of course positivity is good. The thing is, I have just never understood why positivity has to be synonymous with girly things and home-making blogs? Or asceticism and veganism? Or a million homeopathy potions? Or twee quotes? Or 'copy and paste' to show your awareness?  Or even, (dare I say it) fucking rainbows?  I am none of the above and in my opinion I am one of the most positive people I know.  I like my positivity with a side of grit and a whole dose of realism, and I like to feel it when I actually feel it, not when I am told to. So whilst I may take today as a lesson and perhaps try and adopt some planning and structure into this nonsense, if I wake up feeling like shit and it is entirely unplanned for, you won't find me trying to polish a turd.

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